The world as we know it may soon change forever. No, it’s not climate change or a zombie apocalypse—it’s worse. Teens across America are reeling at the thought of life without TikTok, their beloved home for viral dances, questionable pranks, and infinite scrolling. With the U.S. government demanding ByteDance sell TikTok or face a potential ban, Gen Z is grappling with the unimaginable: returning to Facebook.
“It’s inhumane,” said Madison, 16, clutching her phone as if it might vanish at any moment. “What am I supposed to do—poke my grandma? Write on her wall? She comments, like, five emojis on everything I post. How do you recover from that level of cringe?”
Facebook, the platform that teens abandoned years ago, is now being viewed with the same trepidation one reserves for seeing their middle school yearbook. While TikTok’s algorithm is famously good at understanding users’ preferences (maybe too good), Facebook’s feed famously delivers a chaotic mix of political memes, casserole recipes, and grainy photos from family reunions.
“I’ll lose all my clout!” exclaimed Jake, 15, who boasts a TikTok following of 60,000 fans for his lip-syncing videos. “On Facebook, I’ll be competing with my uncle’s BBQ group for likes. It’s not a vibe.”
And it’s not just about the loss of creativity. Teens worry that Facebook’s format will drag them into conversations they’ve been avoiding for years. Like discussing school with their mom’s college roommate or explaining the concept of a “meme” to a well-meaning grandparent who keeps calling it a “me-me.”
Meanwhile, Mark Zuckerberg is likely grinning from ear to ear. The possibility of a TikTok ban could drive billions of restless TikTokers into his dusty blue arms, restoring Facebook’s youth demographic overnight. “We welcome our young friends back,” said Zuckerberg in a statement that may or may not have been AI-generated. “We have Stories now. That’s kind of like TikTok, right?”
Teens, however, are already plotting their escape. Rumors swirl about mass migrations to Instagram Reels, YouTube Shorts, or even… Snapchat. But if the worst happens and TikTok is banned without an adequate replacement, one thing is certain: Gen Z will finally experience what Millennials endured in the 2000s—endless Candy Crush invites and that one relative who insists on using Comic Sans.
For now, TikTokers scroll anxiously, squeezing in as many #ForYouPage hits as they can before the hammer falls. But if Facebook becomes the last refuge? We might just witness the greatest generational divide since the invention of email chains.
